Hope for the Future
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have their heart to heart while Blaine is in NY over Christmas


"Blaine," he called softly. "Blaine, wake up." The bright hazel eyes slowly opened beneath the fluttering eyelashes. Kurt did not miss the dreamy quality in them when their gaze fell upon nor the way that it was blinked away quickly. "Hey there, sleepy head. Sleep well?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, you know, as well as one can sleep on an old couch," Blaine answered, his voice still deep and groggy from sleep. Kurt could not help but smile at the sound and the mused curls and the slightly puffy lips. Blaine was always adorable but it increased a tenfold when he just woke up. He had to shake himself away from becoming lost in the boy. Ice skating had been about finding that feeling again but today was about dealing with it.

"So I was thinking we could go and grab some coffee at that little place I told you about. You know, with the cake."

"It's seven thirty and you're already thinking about cake," Blaine teased, sitting up and reaching for his hoodie that he had tossed on the floor when he went to bed.

"I was not! I was thinking about a non-fat mocha latte with extra whip," he replied in mock offense while gathering up his coat and gloves.

"You realize the whipping cream defeats the purpose of the non-fat."

"Oh hush. We've been having this conversation for three years now? You're not going to change me."

"I haven't got to mention it in a while so I thought I'd try. Are we waiting on your dad?" Blaine asked tidying up his bedding before following him to the door.

"No. He needs his sleep and I thought this would give us a chance to talk."

"Sounds good," Blaine smiled. His voice sounded a little more timid than it had been though. It was almost as if he had been lost in that feeling and had been pulled forcefully from it and back into the twisted reality. His smile even seemed like it was something he was fighting to keep. The corner of his lip twitched, threatening to fall.

"Good," he replied nodding towards the door, beckoning Blaine through it.

They were quiet as they walked. Kurt didn't want to get into until they were seated but talking about anything else didn't seem right either. Their hands brushed three times, Kurt counted. Blaine normally would have interlaced their fingers long before the second brush but that was then and this was now.

Luckily the shop was close and the cool, December air only had time to pinken their cheeks before they found themselves enveloped in the warmth and comfort that was familiar but also very different. It was a coffee shop after all and all coffee shops smell of the same rich bean and are lit of the same dim but cozy lights and are furnished with the same comfy chairs and rustic looking wooden tables. The servers here though, did not know their names or their orders like they did back home at the Lima Bean, nor was there a little table for two in the center of the shop that had been deemed theirs.

"It's nice," Blaine said with approval after a brief glance around. "I can see why you like it."

"Just wait until you try the cake."

"See I knew you were thinking about cake."

"Shut up," he said and punctuated with a playful nudge.

"Now, you get the table, I get the drinks?"

"Blaine, no, you don't-"

"Ah, ah," Blaine tutted at him. "I used to buy your coffee when we were friends so there is no reason I shouldn't now….right?" He hesitated, clearly beginning to doubt himself.

"Yeah? Yeah, okay," Kurt gave in, not being able to find a good reason not to. This conversation was supposed to be putting them on the path to rebuild so maybe getting back those little things that had made their friendship just a little more than that of the average between two teenage boys was good. "I'll uh, I guess I'll just be over there."

Blaine was back with the drinks quickly. Out of habit, Kurt's eyes darted to the side of his, seeking out the distinctive cursive. He was not sure it would be there or even if he wanted it to be there because he needed Blaine to understand that this was different and it would not be mended overnight. It was there though. Just as always. He took a deep breath before reading it, preparing himself for another apology.

'_I hope the coffee will suffice even though we both know you were eyeing the cake…..it's not even eight!'_

He laughed. Really laughed at it. Blaine had made him laugh last night too but it clearly was not sufficient to make up for the past several months that had been filled with tears. His heart soaked it up as if it had been starving. "It's perfect."

"Yeah? Good. I was hoping that this would start off on the right track," Blaine responded, a little too seriously for Kurt's liking.

"This isn't supposed to be something to dread, you know?"

"I know but to be honest…" Blaine ducked his head in what looked like an attempt to hide behind his coffee. "I am a little scared."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you scared? I never seen myself as the type you should avoid in dark allies."

"Because," he answered with an amused smile that quickly faded. "I just…I have no power here. None of this is up to me and not that it should be. Of course this is completely up to you. Of course. But, I just can't help but be on edge because of it because I know what I want and I want it more than I've ever wanted anything, even more than that, and there's nothing I can do to ensure that I get it…..I'm sorry. That was probably a bit of an overshare but I just-"

"No. Don't apologise. This whole thing is about finally being honest with each other again instead of tiptoeing around it all. What exactly is it that you want?"

"Kurt."

"No, I know, but I want to actually hear it."

"Um, okay well, I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be mine. I want us to be able to share everything again, our days, our troubles, kisses, cuddles. I just want you," Blaine admitted shyly, a pink hue creeping into his cheeks.

"You know it'll never be the same."

"I know but you asked me what I wanted. There was nothing about realistic."

"So what was it that changed. You seemed to want me when I left for New York and you clearly do now so what happened?"

"Nothing. No honestly, nothing changed," Blaine professed adamantly in response to his sceptical look. "I always wanted you and us and the future we had planned but it just seemed like you stopped wanting it. I would call and if you actually answered, which I quickly realised was not only not a guarantee but also a rarity, you would go on and on about your new life and brush off whatever news I had like it was insignificant. It started to feel like _I _was insignificant and that just made me feel really lonely and then when he just started talking to me and showing interest in me, I fell for it before I knew what was happening because it was _something_ in the seemingly never ending sea of….well, of nothing."

"You said it didn't mean anything."

"It didn't."

"But you fell for him."

"No. No I didn't. I fell for the way he made me feel because although it was only a fraction of the way you made me feel, it at least reminded me of it. I so desperately needed that feeling again that it didn't matter who it came from. _He _didn't matter."

"What was his name?" There was still something missing and Kurt thought that maybe this was it.

"Eli."

That wasn't it. It didn't help. None of it helped. He had hoped that somehow this conversation would erase the fact that the cheating had ever occurred. He should have known better. Blaine would have never done it out of malice and from previous conversations, he knew Blaine still loved him and was terribly sorry. Maybe now he had more details but that did not change to overall picture, which is really what he wanted.

"Did I say something wrong? You look sad….Although I guess considering what we're talking about….."

"No. I guess I just hoped that this would change things but I still stand where I stood before," he sighed.

"And where exactly is that?"

"Not sure," he winced out. Blaine chuckled lightly and just as always the boy's laugh and smile was infectious and Kurt found himself joining in. He loved Blaine being happy like that. He loved _making_ Blaine happy like that. "I guess….well, I guess I love you. Well no. I know I love you. If I didn't love you this would be way easier. And I'm not mad. I was. I was _so _mad because everything was perfect and we were perfect and didn't have any of that stupid drama that all our friends had and I loved that about us and then you ruined it. But, it wasn't completely your fault and our relationship should have nothing to do with how high and mighty we can stand above everyone else so I'm not mad. It does still sting though. I thought it was kind of special that we were each other's firsts and onlys. And then there's the trust thing. Like the normal 'how do I know you won't do it again' thing but also I had no idea you were feeling that way. You should have trusted me enough to tell me. I realise now that I may have been making that difficult but, I don't know, it feels like you were keeping that from me. You can't keep things from me."

"I didn't think you cared."

"Right….I am really sorry about that, Blaine. I never meant to make you feel like that. I did still care. I was in love with you. I _am_ in love you. You're Blaine. I don't think I could ever not be in love with you. I just…"

"Got swept up in it?"

"Yeah."

"I know the feeling…so where does that leave us?"

"Friends? Best friends?"

"Best friends aren't supposed to be in love with each other."

"That didn't seem to stop us before." There was that smile again, that one that made it physically ache to not be with Blaine.

"I suppose not. But that was different. Wasn't it?"

"Yeah. I was only afraid of embarrassing myself. It was all so innocent and sweet. Now I-" He had to pause to choke back tears that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Really though, they were from everything. "Now I know what real heart break feels like and I'm terrified. I'm terrified of going through it again. Blaine, I just feel so sick all of the time. I can't relax. My mind races and my hands shake and I just need everything to be fixed. Night is the worst. I don't think I've had a good night sleep since. It's like I just don't _work _without you. It kind of pisses me off because you cheated and I hate people who get back together with someone who cheated on them but I don't want any other way."

"I thought you wanted friends."

"Yeah um…I think we need to stay friends for a while. I need to stop being mad at myself for wanting you and we need to get that trust back and those'll just take time. But, I want _us_ to be the goal. And the long distance thing clearly didn't work to well so it might be best if we wait until we can actually be together."

"Like next year?"

"Yeah."

"So you're really okay with the NYADA thing?"

"Yeah. I am. As long as you want it for you, I am."

"And you're okay about the surprise visit?"

"This one or last one? Because the last one I wasn't too fond of."

"No? I thought that had gone rather well."

"This one though? Yeah, I kinda liked this one…I know I may not have seemed overly chipper but with my dad and stuff."

"No, I get it. I'm just making sure."

"Speaking of him, we should probably get back."

"Right! So um, friends but hope for the future."

"_Best_ friends with hope for the future."


End file.
